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So, I am still alive. I was not much online during the last weeks because that summer was just too perfect for me. Just a few rainy days end of July but beside that always sunny, dry (love it) and around +40C. It seems to be over now though, as rain came in last night and stays for the next couple of days. After that we will only have a nice autumn. But it would be wrong to complain after all this weeks of sun and heat. Welcome autumn. The dog is pretty happy with the weather change.

I assume I still have a boring life, so not much news from my side.

Work is still great - busy, but not too busy. Just a good mix of much work and easy days. So I still have pretty much energy to write in the evenings - most of the time. I am quite lazy since 2 weeks now. Most of the RPs are slowly so I can manage a couple of them without being stressed or pushed. Nonetheless I miss writing in English and while I type this post here I realse that I am out of practice. Must change that and buy English books, read fanfics or whatever to get back into an English flow. Whenever I will read these books - I have piles of unread books here, lingering and lurking, waiting to be read.

By the way, I felt like reading a fantasy-Tolkien-type book. So I ordered "The Elves" by Bernhard Hennen & James Sullivan. In fact the translation of the title is not correct. I used "elves" as the species they write about are like the Tolkien elves, but they use the word "fairy". In german it is just a tiny difference in the itself: "Elb" or "Elf" but it makes it almost impossible for me to read the thing. It feels just wrong. I assume I will never ever read that book.

If you like thrillers with a hint of scary moments and ghosts, go read the books of Yrsa Sigurdardóttir. She is an autor from Iceland and I love her books.

I watched "Forever". Nice serie with I. Gruffudd, although nothing breathtaking in the end. I like the idea of the story and I liked to see Judd Hirsch again on screen. Obviously I am sticking more to TV shows at the moment that going to the cinema, maybe because it is summer or maybe because I am getting old. I am getting more and more angry about the behaviour of the (young) audience. I love the big screen but silence is much more important these days. Maybe it is just ME.

I realise that I have issues with a lot of things I did not care about the past since my mother died in May. Probably that is normal... I think I changed bit as this loss is part of my life now. It seems that I just start to realise NOW really that she is gone forever and not coming back from a holiday or something like that. Odd.

Next holidays? We have made a list now to keep the destinations in mind. I think we will do shorter trips next year as it will be the first time Amadeus will have to stay somewhere else. No need to be away for 3 weeks then. So I really hope to visit Edinburgh and Fringe festival again for a long weekend. I miss that city pretty much. And probably a week Italy - but we will see what life will bring.

Take care.

C.D. Ward.

The Last Goodbye.

I did not check LJ for quite a while and I am really sorry for that. I meant to keep up with you here but sometimes life has other plans. First work was quite busy, then my back went crazy again (but nothing so serious like two years ago) and then finally we had to let go our Mum at the 14th of May.

We had two years to prepare and knew that this would happen but it is always too early, too fast and just not the right moment. In the end it happened really quickly and was unexpected. She was up and doing pretty well just two weeks before, doing long walks with Amadeus. But this is typical for this kind of cancer: no pain, no huge side effects until chemo takes its toll and the organs start to fail. We still expected it to get better again just two days before she died, really.

We think that it was her clear decision to leave us when she realized that it will not get better anymore. She did not want to go to the hospital to stay there (palliative and stuff) and we were able to keep her at home till the end. We were both there and she left us in peaceful sleep. Sleep well, mum.

Now, the normal course of life returns slowly…

Take care,
C.D. Ward.


From cinema to TV to writing.

I saw BIRDMAN a few weeks ago and gosh, although that thing got an Oscar, I think it was the weirdest movie I have ever seen. There is not much on TV that keeps me happy so I have much, much, MUCH time to write.

As posted quite some time ago I was thinking about editing that book, lurking on my laptop for years already. As I was not sure about it I skipped it – because I am just too lazy to do all that work for almost nothing in the end. I returned more to roleplays after that decision and it goes pretty fine.

I had some difficulties with my Legolas character due to the boards I was part of. At the moment the cute prince sits between Esgaroth and Samaug and awaits the bad things to happen. We will see if that board will work out. Another LOTR board was just offered to me, post-LOTR that is. I have never been part of such a thing so I will probably try it, although I do not like to write one character the same time in two different RPs – but as long as I cannot be sure that first one will turn out ok, I will maybe take the risk.

I have a character sitting on a board where the story unfolds in Ireland in the year 2013 but mixed with the mystic land of Tir na nOg. My character is part of the mystic land, a guard, who died 400 years ago and rose from the dead a day later in Tir na nOg – sounds odd, but makes sense in the story.

Last but not least I decided to try an officer of the Royal Navy in the year 1797. The board is really slow but great because all the members try to be historic very accurate.

I am kind of missing the clear, straight Real Life part of roleplays. I always loved to write Real Personal based fanfictions so I will probably have to try to find a proper place for a character of the present age. Not that I would have time for it but all the people and bunnies inside of me feel kind of unsatisfied with just historical/fantasy characters and I am a pretty fast writer, so I assume it could be possible.

Beside that?
Work is really fine and calm and slow right now and I will have a long weekend just because I decided that I deserve it. Enjoying some free spring time at the lake with friends and dogs.

Take car.
C.D. Ward

After all the time...

Almost no no time for LJ during the last 5 months but as I am back from Iceland I want to share some of my pictures with you here. I admit, I was too lazy to add proper descriptions to the pictures.

this way to Iceland

C.D. Ward.


Beginning. Journey. Left? Right? Uhm.

I assume I am in a quite odd mood the last days. Not generally but when it comes to writing. Again. I have the feeling that I must make a decision and follow it instead of... well, what? Go with the flow?

Situation how it is:
There is finished book sitting on my notebook which I wrote years ago. I still love the idea, the plot, the characters, BUT it is not worth to post, publish, do anything serious with it as it is now. Then there is that new idea with that King Arthur legend based story, which I still hesitate to push because it won't be my native language to write in and it will be long and this will take a lot of time. And last but not least there is this roleplay thing. I will not give this up as I love the interaction with other writers a lot. And "writers" they are, not just "players". The level is really high there.

So, three points listed that are very different but in the end all the same.

Fact is:
I have a 100% job I have to focus on, I have a dog I have to take care of, some friends and little bit of a real social life. As much as I would love to be, I am no dreamer so I assume the chance to publish anything at all in my life is somewhere at 0,01%. Is it worth the effforts and time to work on that book then? Not sure. Is it all about publishing it in the end? Or would it be enough to find a proper place to post it online and get some comments?

The worst thing for me is wasting time. And at the moment I think I waste the time because I do not want to waste it so badly. Hmpf.

I must let go something - the book, the time, the thinking about it, the wasting point, something. But I do not know what exactly yet and good gracious, this is really annyoing. So I thought that writing it down would probably help.

C.D. Ward.

I wondered why this bothered me so much NOW after all this time. Maybe because I read some really bad authors lately who earn good money with their stuff...?

There and back again.

So, obviously I am back from Cornwall (and of course some pictures will follow as soon as I have them on my notebook). It was really an amazing trip we had: very lucky with the weather and beside the fantastic landscape, it was very inspiring. Surprisingly in a completely different way than I expected it to be but who cares? I take any inspiration that I can get. So I finally made my descision about that OC for the upcoming roleplay with cat_o_wen and sasha_b. I still have to check though if it will work out for the ladies.

We were supposed to fly back from G'wick at 6:45pm - in the end we left at 9pm. Lovely. More than two hours delay for a flight that normally takes little more than an hour. Due to fog all over Europe the aircrafts could not get in our out. In the end G'wick got all the aircrafts out in a rush - something that we would call "piecework". But of course one delay leads to another and yay! I got 4 hours of sleep before I returned to work today (which I just did because an important meeting was scheduled). Yay again.

Beside that I realised that I am still running in "left mode" which I should stop immediatly.

Take care.
C.D. Ward.


This and that.

I expected a rainy weekend because the weather forecast told us so. So I made my plans to stay at home with piles of good drinks, a sleepy dog and my laptop (the part that still works). I wanted to write all my open RP posts and write a bit for that story and sort out my thoughts about the novel I wrote years ago - if it is good enough and worth to be re-written and edited, and if so: in English or my native language. And what happened? We ended up with blue sky, high temperatures and sun. Hmpf. Do not get me wrong, I love heat and sun but I made plans... So, no writing, no sorting out thoughts but spending time with the dog out there in the woods which was great as well, of course!

Beside that I ruined my back again - with whatever. So I am back on painkillers today. I assume these spinal discs are ruined for the rest of my life so I have to live with them. I tried to avoid accepting that fact for a year now but in the end I have to face it.

After my holidays in September I will have to buy that new laptop now, if want to or now. I found a good one on amazon with Windows7. So I will give it a try. It cannot be worse than it is now!

Have a great week and take care,

C.D. Ward.



I flipped through the communities I am in on LJ and gosh, the most of them are just dead. Did you realise that too or am I in the wrong comunities? And it does not really matter if these are fandom communities or Photoshop communities or picture source communities.

Beside that: does someone know if Packard Bell has good notebooks? I saw one that sounds interesting for really few money.

Have a fabulous weekend!

C.D. Ward.


Work is pretty crazy again so I am unable to write properly in my free time. Pity. Because I am unable to sit down and write for a few minutes only. I think this does nothing for a good quality. So, the story hast to wait. Again.

Beside that I am making my way through the third book of Gabaldon’s Hinland saga. Hmpf. I expected it to improve, but to be honest the quality of the books and her writing are getting worse?! I read on her homepage that she does not keeps character charts and writes the story also in snippets. Personally I think she should change that. She is flipping between the point of views but also writing in the first and third person which makes things even more confusing. And what really drives me mad: she does not tell the whole story. She just stops somewhere and continues a few months later (for example: a wounded man expects to die while he is brought from Culloden to the Highlands. A few months later: he lives. But WHY? HOW? Not a single word about it). I think it is a pitty because the basic story is really good and that makes me kind of mad with her. She had such a good idea and great stuff to work with. These books are much overrated but I will try to make it through all of them. We will see – I will keep you up-dated.

Other news? Nope, nothing. Which is a good thing as I am tired to no end at the moment and I wonder why as I am not used to this during the summer months normally. But well, I bought a bottle of Glenfiddich yesterday and had a very enjoyable private party with myself so at least why I am tired today.

Take care,
C.D. Ward.

I write like...

I did this test years ago and I wondered if my writing style changed after all the time. Obviously not. Is this a good or a bad thing?

I write like
Dan Brown

I Write Like. Analyze your writing!

C.D. Ward.